December 1st 2023

Well, it’s December 2023.

Will this be my last New Years?

Xmas was never a thing for me.

New Years always had the potential to be the start of something new. But the new years were just the same as the old years.

As I’ve said, I’m really looking forward to making my application for M.A.i.D. in March. That’s just a little over three months now.

I am so tired.

And this isn’t a new tiredness.

This is a tiredness that I’ve endured for a very, very long time.

I’m tired of grinding my teeth at night.

I’m tired of this whole mess swirling around in my brain.

I am so very sick and tired of being blamed for not being happy.

I’m tired of using work as a distraction to keep me distracted from the damage in my brain.

Distracting myself with hobbies and activities doesn’t work.

I do love my dresses and my tattoos, but they’re not enough.

Sometime in 2024 I will hopefully be able to be free of this.